Life in NYC, and How To Survive It
In
New York, we feel this pull and thrust quicker, more acutely, more powerfully,
than other cities. A certain glamour exists
in the sentiment that each moment cannot last forever. There’s always be
someone new to discover, always different opportunities, friends, jobs, lovers,
or apartments, and rooms.
In
New York we get used to change and we learn to eventually accept that jobs,
homes, people, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends - even pets - come in and out
regularly, forming an ever turning menagerie of color.
You
can even go by different names depending on the crew you’re hanging with, for
you know that some social tribes just do not cross, and it can be fun playing
dress up with your life. This city is a
place to try on new clothes, people, relationships, talents, slight of hand,
etc…Or is it?
You
know who I’m referring to. That one person you keep running into. That guy you
assumed would be a two-week fling unexpectedly becomes part of your social canvas.
They frequent the same places, or maybe know someone on Facebook who is actually your friend in real life.
Somehow,
whenever you see or hear from this person, your feelings change, and you can’t
help but wonder why.
In
this town, if you’re not having fun, or making important strides, it’s best to
just move on. What do you do when
someone’s energy seems to cling to you?
Or worse, when you begin to
cling yourself?
Maybe
it’s a friend you thought you’d have a fun relationship with, but becomes a
grueling influence on you., or your entire life story begins to unfold into
some kind of microscopic narrative for said person to rip apart and tear
asunder.
We all know someone who makes us vulnerable. They put all your wits to the test, acting as
your emotional funny bone - a painful little reminder that you are exactly who
you have always been, the same kid you were in high school, with the same
illogical hang ups and uncertainties.
A
good thing to remember about these irreplaceables
is that they are your funny bone.
That’s to say, you can laugh and become strangely enamored by their
overwhelmingly double-edged spell.
In order
to preserve the social fabric of New York, where anyone can pop up into your
life any day of the week, proceed graciously
with these people. You never know when they will appear next or how long
they’ll stay.
This
teaches us a very good lesson in life: don’t
burn bridges because you never know when your past can come back to haunt
you!
Whenever
you are chosen for anything in this
town, don’t take it for granted. I know
we’re all Hella Bad Bitches, and we
do what we want. But it really does take a team effort to get anything done, and the only way you’re
going to make your rent, or make it in that movie, is if you show honest
appreciation for your good fortune.
The
thing with New Yorkers is eventually they all have to mean it.
With
any relationship you find yourself in, it’s important to recognize just how
valuable or worthless something is. Time
moves too quickly here, and there’s no room for vast wastes of it – hence, the
ever-revolving carousel of characters.
People are just too busy doing their own thing. How can anyone, or any two, ever possibly stick around long enough to continually
benefit one another? Impossible!!
Friends
don’t last long. Unless you’ve reached a level of maturity and you understand
how important it is to maintain those relationships, how friends can actually
keep you sane.
What
happens when your friends stop benefiting you?
It doesn’t have to be in terms of social climbing, but honest to
goodness feelings of personal growth
and self worth.
I
had a “friend” once who I realized made me feel bad every single time we hung
out. It seemed that no matter what move
I made, this person was in direct opposition.
Hanging out was always like going into battle, and I was always on the
defense.
In
New York especially, where your energy is the equivalent of your capital, you must wisely handle such grueling
situations and ask yourself if the relationship is really worth the effort.
This
applies to dating people as well. Most
of us tend to have a few people orbiting us at any given time, and when one
drops out or becomes too hot or too cold to “inhabit” we continue onwards with
the next wave of relationships. This
is normal in New York, and once in a while, we do encounter someone who we feel
is a “good match” for us.
What
to do when that person is actually human and comes with her or his own set of
baggage? It’s like having a dog that
won’t go when you bring it outside to walk.
And remember, this is all happening on your time. People challenge you.
How do you know when it’s real?
Is it really worth the trouble?
In
this city it’s easy to forget someone and move on to the next, especially if
you’re no longer getting what you want or need out of the situation.
The
social experiment never ceases here. I know a few people who have made it past
the relationship rollercoaster and now have children. Whew! What a world to inhabit!
Concocting
a future family is almost like trying to predict what clothes you’ll be wearing
a year from now, after you’ve sold everything you own on Bedford Avenue during
the summer in order to make extra money.
The
person you thought you were in love with a month ago might become that one you
randomly see at your friend’s party and now have mixed feelings of wanting to
run from and at the same time, hook up with again. Or someone you clearly didn’t like all of a
sudden has gotten in shape, and even looks a little taller than before. He’s improved his posture, and with it, his
sexual magnetism!
These
things happen. Don’t be surprised if one
day you move in with a new room mate only to find your ex-lover visiting her
(or him!) on a regular basis.
New
York can be a socially dangerous place.
People pop up and around, so beware!
Like some enchanted forest, where good wizards can turn bad if put under
a sorceress’s spell, or bad fairies might help you out because you possess the
sorcerer’s stone they’ve been looking for.
That
old feeling of wanting to move on will keep making cameos, and my time tested
practical advice is: proceed with tact.
No
one has to be a hypocrite here, but eventually, you start seeing all the
connections. There’s no room for being a social disaster. Time reveals all, even here, in New
York.
Choose
your pony wisely on this strange carousel, or maybe elect an old fashioned seat,
as you go round and round.
Eventually,
no matter where you choose to sit, we’re all orbiting the same center of
gravity. Carousels are meant for fun and entertainment, though creepy some may
be.
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